Grand Lake Bum 5-21-17
Welcome to Grand Lake’s Memorial Holiday 2017. We filled the lake up all the way so there would be room for everybody’s boat. It’s hard to find a silver lining in all the flooding, but at least there are a lot more waterfront homes and businesses than there were a few weeks ago. This too shall pass. Just be careful out there.
Remember, the Official Lake Bum Holiday Rules are in effect this weekend. No fighting, no puking, no hitting on someone else’s date, no griping at over-worked servers and bartenders, no bragging about how much money you have (or your parents have), no drunk driving, no public nudity, no yelling, no discussion of religion - and especially no politics! As with all summer holiday weekends, you may have a little longer wait for a seat, a drink, or some food. Be nice. If everybody who’s coming this weekend would come every weekend, everybody could staff up for giant crowds. So, maybe you should buy a house while you’re here and come join the party all year! By the way, don’t get cranky on your attempt at Sunday morning drinking. Bars & restaurants can’t sell beer until noon and can’t sell liquor until 1:00 on Sundays. Establishments in Mayes County can’t sell liquor on Sunday at all. Don’t be mad. It’s not their fault. It’s the law. We’re still the biggest party spot in Oklahoma! Have fun and remember to leave big tips for the people who are working through your party weekend to make sure you have fun.
My gal pal Vicki Graper celebrated her 65th birthday Saturday night, the same way she celebrated her 60th – by proving she can still do the splits – five times over the course of the evening – each time on top of the bar at a different club. It was an amazing feat; and by the time she finished her congratulatory beverages at the fifth bar, she was REALLY limber! “Limp” might be a better word. #islandersareflexible
Grand Lake dentist Dr. Rick Miller is affectionately referred to as “Dr. Gadget” by his staff because of his affinity for the latest & greatest medical equipment inventions – but I don’t recommend that he follow the rather extreme lead of Alaskan dentist Seth Lookhart who authorities viewed on a video of the good doctor extracting a sedated patient’s tooth while riding a hoverboard. He had apparently sent the video to his office manager under the heading “A New Standard of Care.” Medical authorities weren’t impressed, by the way.
In Tennessee, State Representative Mike Stewart set up the ultimate curbside one-stop shopping spot. In an attempt to show the absurdity of Tennessee’s non-regulation of private gun sales, he put up a sign at his roadside establishment on Capitol Hill in Nashville offering passersby a variety of sale items – “Lemonade, Cookies – and AK 47 Assault Rifles.” What could go wrong?
Smart is a matter of interpretation. As the great writer H.L. Mencken said, “You can always tell a truly brilliant man because his opinion always pretty much coincides with your own.” IQ is, however, a fair accepted rule of thumb. So what President of the U.S. had the highest IQ? Keep in mind, the “normal” IQ of intelligent humans is 95-105. George Washington, George H.W. Bush, John Adams, FDR, Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, and Millard Fillmore all had IQ ratings in the 140s. Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, and Kennedy were in the 150s. Thomas Jefferson was the only one with an IQ rating in the 160s…but John Quincy Adams, and Barack Obama had ratings in the 170s. Trump? We don’t know yet. His test at 156 was later proven false, but we don’t know if his IQ is lower or higher.
Promoters say Paul McCartney will be in concert at OKC’s Chesapeake Arena July 16. Hmmm. Are we sure that’s Paul? Are we sure it’s not really Billy Shears. Poor Ringo Starr. I think the butter has finally slid off his noodle. He told reporters last month that Paul McCartney was actually killed in a car wreck in 1966…but they replaced him with Billy Shears, winner of a Paul McCartney look-alike contest back then. They must not have even told Paul’s family. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that’s not the kind of thing they could have hidden. For the record, Paul called reporters to his house to tell them the reports of his death had been greatly exaggerated by “a pool old senile man.”
Only in America! Former U.S. House Speaker Dennis Hastert, now in prison for sexual abuse of a 14-year-old boy, says he paid $1.7 million in secret hush-money payments in an effort to keep the boy quiet. Since the victim talked to authorities and testified against Hastert, the former Speaker of the House says the victim should refund the $1.7 million due to “breach of contract.” Sheesh.
GRAND LAKE DRINKING UPDATE: The Blind Swine Bar & Cigar Lounge opens Thursday at 4:00 for drinks only (former location of The Armadillo on Monkey Island). The non-smoking family-friendly restaurant portion of The Blind Swine will open in the near future – prior to the 4th of July.
BEST SIGN SEEN THIS WEEK (outside an employee dressing room): Raise your hands and touch your toes. If anything shows, go change your clothes.
BEST FACEBOOK POST THIS WEEK: I planned to work out and have a nice body for people to look at this summer; but as it turns out, I like food better than I like people.
GRAND LAKE BUM SHOUT-OUTS: Happy Birthday wishes go out this week to Pam Jackson, Todd Mlnarik, Don Oden, Cheryl Ayer, Ron Blaylock, Jim Arnold, Kelli Dyer, Seth Lewandowski, Bill Hodge, Lori Magoulas, Drew Wyrick, Arlene Seybolt, and Ron Griffin.
UNANSWERED QUESTION OF THE WEEK: How did the man who invented cottage cheese know when he was done?
BEST EVENTS OF THE WEEK: It’s Memorial Weekend on Grand Lake. We don’t need any special events. However, GRDA’s free tours of the Pensacola Dam begin Monday, Memorial Day, and run through Labor Day.
GRAND LAKE WEEKEND LIVE ENTERTAINMENT: Needless to say, there’s a TON of live entertainment around the Grand Lake area for Memorial Weekend. If you’re into the hair band scene, Rocklahoma claims rights to the biggest Memorial Weekend Party in the country at Pryor this weekend with non-stop shows Friday-Sunday from literally dozens of bands. Details and band line-ups are at www.rocklahoma.com.
At The Shebang on Monkey Island, you are the entertainment. There’ll be karaoke at the Balcony Bar Friday,Saturday & Sunday nights. Across the street at Big Shots Rhythm & Booze, enjoy all the best dance tunes and the wit and wisdom of DJ Sway nightly, Friday-Sunday. Just down the highway from there, Friday night isKaraoke Night at Monkey Island Pub; and just down the road, there’s always great entertainment at the Road Hog Saloon.
On South Grand Lake, Rick Hancock & Bulletproof will perform at Mooney’s Sunset Bar & Grill in Disney on Friday night, with Chunky Monkey taking over the entertainment at Mooney’s Saturday night.
Area casinos have excellent musical options this weekend, as well. Lickitty Split will be on stage at Grand Lake Casino both Friday night – and Sunday night, with This Side Up sandwiching a show in between on Saturdaynight. At Downstream Casino’s Legends Sports Bar, Audio Crush will entertain Friday night, and The Leslie Serrano Band takes the stage Saturday night. Cherokee Casino Grove will feature the acoustic sounds of Darren Ray Thursday night, Almost Kiss Friday night and Phil Vaught Saturday night. At River Bend Casino (formerly Wyandotte Casino), Club 60 West hosts Lucas Gates Friday night. At Buffalo Run Casino’s Trailer Park Bar & Grill, there’s great music both Friday and Saturday night with Fun House. At Indigo Sky Casino, there is live entertainment in the Echo Bar starting Thursday night with music by Chris Hyde. Friday night features the music of Mayday by Midnight, followed by Dirty Saints both Saturday and Sunday nights.
The best spots to catch all your favorite sports action, including NBA playoff action, NASCAR, and PGA Golf are Eddy’s Lakeside Bar at Shangri-La Marina, Monkey Island Pub, the Standing Room Only Bar at The Shebang, Road Hog Saloon, 1909 in Grove, and Pickles at the Lake in Langley.
BUM MUST-SEE TV: Andy Cohen’s revival of Love Connection debuts Thursday night at 7:00 on Fox – and theRed Nose Day Special is also Thursday night at 7:00 on NBC. The Season 3 premiere of Bloodline is availableFriday on NetFlix. Season 13 of Whose Line Is It, Anyway kicks off Monday night at 8:00 on CW; and Season 12 of America’s Got Talent premieres Tuesday night at 7:00 on NBC.
BUM MUST-SEE MOVIES: Baywatch and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: I’m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta go pee, I should be okay. (Appropriately shared by the stressed out Shangri-La Catering Director Linda Wall and Executive Chef Michael Bujold)
SAVE THE DATE: Friday, June 2 – “Barkaritaville” party at Honey Creek Landing & Marina featuring live music and cheeseburgers in paradise, as well as an auction to raise money for the Second Chance Pet Rescue (6:00-10:00 p.m.). Saturday, June 3 – SLWGA-sponsored Women’s Scramble for all female Shangri-La Club members (12:30). Saturday, June 3 – Home of Hope Admirals Banquet at Shangri-La Resort Hotel. Monday-Thursday, June 5-8 – Junior Players Academy at Shangri-La Golf Club. Wednesday, June 7 – Shangri-La Team presentation to Grove Rotary Club. Saturday, June 10 – Camp Bandage at Grand Lake RV Park (10-2). Saturday& Sunday, June 10-11 – Dennis James, Terry Jordan, and Ron Young present Musica Curiosa: Livin’ the Ragtime Life at the Coleman Theater in Miami (7:30 Sat – 2:30 matinee Sunday). Friday, June 16 – Grove Rotary Club Lobsterfest, Grove Civic Center at 5:30. Tuesday, June 20 – Men Against Violence luncheon atnoon at 1st Methodist Church in Grove (D.A. Kenny Wright will speak). Friday, June 23 – formal dedication of Shangri-La’s new Resort Hotel (4:00 p.m.). Saturday, June 24 – Free Boating Safety Course at GRDA Ecosystems Center in Lanley (8-5).
This weekend, NBA Conference finals continue although, the way the Warriors have been playing, we may not have as many televised games as are on the schedule. Eastern Conference games featuring the Celtics and Cavaliers are scheduled for Thursday, Saturday, and Monday (as needed) on TNT – and the Western Conference finals with the Warriors and Spurs are scheduled Friday and Sunday (if needed) on ESPN.
The PGA Tour moves all the way from Irving, Texas to Fort Worth this week for the Dean & Deluca Invitational. Coverage on the Golf Channel begins at 3:00 Thursday & Friday and noon Saturday & Sunday. CBS picks up coverage of the final two rounds Saturday & Sunday at 2:00.
Everybody’s favorite automobile race, the Indianapolis 500 is this weekend with coverage beginning Sundaymorning at 11:00 on ABC. NASCAR drivers are in Charlotte again this weekend, and they’ll be running Sunday, as well. Coverage of the Coca Cola 600 begins at 5:00 Sunday on Fox.
Weather for the Memorial Day holiday weekend looks pretty darn good. After a week of rain chances, skies are set to clear on Friday, Saturday,Sunday and most of Monday. We may have a handful of scattered storms lateMonday, but other than that it looks excellent with high temperatures around 80 and lows around 60. Watch out for debris and high water hazards, but other than that, it looks like a dandy party weekend to roll out the summer season! Remember, wherever you decide to play, be sure to buy a drink for the guy next to you. It could be me.
GRAND LAKE BUM
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Looking for places to go, things to do, services to use or property to buy in the Grand Lake area? Here’s a starter kit listing of “open to the public” fun places to spend time at Grand Lake.
1909 in Downtown Grove
American Grill in Grove
Aquabar & Grill at The Landings Marina on Monkey Island (smoking on the deck)
Artichoke Restaurant & Bar in Langley
Balcony Bar at The Shebang (Smoking – open Friday & Saturday nights)
Big Shots on Monkey Island (smoking upstairs—open Friday & Saturday nights)
Blind Swine on Monkey Island
Bobbers Café in Langley
Buffalo Bar at Shangri-La on Monkey Island (smoking on the patios)
Buffalo Run Casino in Miami (smoking)
Café Italia on Monkey Island
Carlos Montez in Langley (smoking in bar)
Ceasar’s Place in Vinita and on Monkey Island
Chickanella’s in Grove
Chicken Coop West of Langley
Clanton’s Café in Vinita
Coffee Shelter in Ketchum
Cosby’s Catfish on Highway 28 in Eucha (East of Disney)
Docks Bar at Harbors View Marina
Downstream Casino in Quapaw (smoking)
Drake’s on the Lake at Blue Bluff Harbor
Drake’s Restaurant in Grove
Eddy’s Lakeside Bar at Shangri-La Marina
Frosty & Edna’s (west of the dam in Langley)
Gabby’s Place in downtown Grove
Goodfella’s Pizza (Cleora and Grove)
Grand Lake Casino, north of Grove on Highway 10 (smoking)
Grand Lodge in Ketchum (smoking)
Hatfield’s Saloon in Grove
High Winds Casino east of Miami (smoking)
Indigo Sky Casino west of Seneca, Mo. (smoking)
Juan Montez Restaurant & Cantina at Red Arrow Marina
Karrie's Kaboose in Langley (smoking)
La Casita de Martin in downtown Grove
Lakeside Bar & Grill in Grove at Sail Boat Bridge
Lighthouse Supper Club in Ketchum
Los Garcias in Langley
Lupe's Mexican Restaurant in Grove
Monkey Island Pub (Smoking)
Mooney’s Sunset Bar & Grill in Disney (smoking, etc.)
Morrows Bar & Grill in Raper Hollow
Nu Taste Restaurant in Grove
Okie Smokies Barbecue in Grove on Hwy 59 South
Pickles at the Lake in Langley
Pit Stop Café in Grove
Quarterdeck Cafe at Tera Miranda Harbor (smoking on the deck)
Raggedy’s in Grove
Rancho Viejo in Grove
Riggs & Company in Langley
River Bend Casino in Wyandotte (smoking)
Road Hog Saloon at the entrance to Monkey Island (smoking...but not at lunch)
Roadhouse 125 on Monkey Island (smoking deck)
Rusty Anchor (next to the cliffs at Dripping Springs)
Scooters in Langley (smoking)
Sharky’s at Hammerhead Marina (smoking)
Smokin’ Spur BBQ & Trading Post at Old Towne Plaza, Cleora
Sticky Fingers Barbecue in Ketchum
Stuffn’s Restaurant in Ketchum (Smoking on patio)
Summit Restaurant at Shangri-La on Monkey Island (smoking on the patio)
The Grill at Indian Hills Resort & Marina in Bernice
The Landings Marina (smoking on the deck)
The Landings Market and Grill on Monkey Island (smoking on the patio)
The Parrot at Honey Creek Landing in Grove (Smoking on the patio)
The Office on Monkey Island (smoking)
The Stables Casino in Miami (smoking)
The Shebang on Monkey Island (smoking on patio and Balcony Bar)
Ugly’s Grill & Bar, Thunder Bay Marina (smoking)
VIP Pizza at Hammerhead Marina (smoking on deck)
Water Side Bar & Grill in Grove
Waterway Café, Harbors View Marina (smoking on breakwater dining deck)
Wolf Creek Diner in Grove